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Recognizing Abuse ::
I think if we're going to discuss abuse, we need to ask ourselves a couple of questions. The first being, what constitutes abuse? Since there are many forms, verbal and physical just to name a few. How do we know when we're being abused? And secondly, since some D/s situations involve pain or control in one form or another. How do we differentiate between the two?
Well, lets take this one step at a time. Abuse may be defined as 'any' act, which results in a trauma involving physical, mental, or emotional harm, inflicted upon you "WITHOUT" your consent. These acts are intentionally designed to cause damage. And while we all know that most outward physical scars eventually heal, it's the inward emotional scars that can remain with us a lifetime.
So let's discuss the differences between the two.
Since D/s is about building a relationship with a solid foundation based upon trust and mutual respect between two 'consenting' adults. It becomes a relationship wherein each partner stands to benefit from a positive and nurturing exploration of power exchange. A relationship, which enlightens and builds self-esteem on a constructive platform of self-control.
Abuse on the other hand is quite the opposite. It is about the destruction of respect. Where the 'consent and rights' of the abused are stripped and replaced by hurtful words and actions. Where trust and self-esteem are crushed by physical violence or emotional degradation. Where both parties are eventually left with a sense of shame, self-hatred and ruin. It is about losing control!
This is why it is absolutely crucial that both parties be of sound mind and body. Able to distinguish between consensual and non-consensual and have a clear understanding of the risks and consequences involved in power exchange. Where both parties make intelligent informed decisions about their activities and each are given the opportunity to feel safe both physically and mentally for the duration of the relationship.
written by Serrene
09/01/02
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